At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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