his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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