if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize