i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
how drunk are you?
Several
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
