come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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