Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
