You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
