yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
