I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
