also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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