We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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