It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
