does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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