I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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