oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
40s are totally the cure
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
