Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
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You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
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its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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