I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
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I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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