May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
