And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
