remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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