dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
