FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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