you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
