Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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