could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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