Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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