why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
