Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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