do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
