On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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