Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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