Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
