dude i'm inner monologue high
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
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It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
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I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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