Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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