So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
