I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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