I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
