Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Can I color on your dick again?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
