There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
