so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
