ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
