I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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