I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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