This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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