In America we eat man semen.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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