I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
