What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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