Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
