I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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