Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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