I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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