I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
