I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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