respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
