Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the condom got lost in my hair
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize