Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
