you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
