What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
