why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
