Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
