she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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