Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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