my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
